Forever Free

With a heavy heart I have to break some sad news.

Little Baby, nicknamed Panda did not bounce back he got worse and the staff and vet as well as myself decided it was much kinder to let him go. He is now running about in the clouds once again reunited with his original siblings that never made it in this world.

My father was the one who gave little Panda his nickname. He offhandedly said the kitten looked like a tiny red panda. So he did, thus he got the new name.

On Wednesday evening Panda stopped eating independently. He seemed to nurse a little but most of the time sat huddled in the bed. He no longer ventured out to play.

By Friday he'd dropped to the 320 gram mark and I was prepared, even then, to say goodbye. I couldn't see how he'd be given the chance being so skinny already with no vaccination to try and make his symptoms less severe.

The lovely vet decided to give him a go. She set me up with medication, told me to take him off Sakura and do hand feeding (force feeding with syringe) and see if he'd bounce back.

He didn't.

Panda snuggling with Mum

I desperately wanted him to though.

I fed him small amounts, smaller than I even wanted, at regular intervals even setting him up in a carrier in my room so I could wake up every two or three hours to give him more.

Each meal was a battle. Just one syringe (around 3ml) took sometimes half an hour. He'd squirm and struggle saying he didnt want it (I thought his protest was a form of hope that he was strong enough) and I'd have to give him breaks so he could just breathe for awhile.

For those who don't know. If a kitten (Or Cat) cannot breathe through their nose their sense of smell is gone. A cat who cant smell will likely starve since they need to investigate it with their nose before their mouth.

Normally, even with Mittens, when a kitten gets a taste of the stuff in the syringe they begin chewing on the end of it and guzzle up to three syringe's of food. Panda didnt even want one.

Most of the time he slept. We got him up to 324 grams but then he tumbled way back down to a 307. I knew early Sunday morning that we'd be saying goodbye.

Usually I'm not there for the end. I usually hand them over to the vet and staff having said my goodbyes already. Today felt different. I HAD to be there.

So hopefully the last thing little Panda saw as he left this world was me patting him gently on the head.

He struggles to breathe no more, no more sharp pains of hunger he cant soothe...

He will now run free, with no frail body letting him down and holding him back.

Goodbye little Panda. How I wish we had been able to turn you around...

The brightest little Panda ever looked while he was with me. R.I.P little buddy.